


Hold me tighter

by magznus



Series: Jupeter fics [11]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Benten steel's death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Jet (mentioned) - Freeform, Other, Vespa (mentioned) - Freeform, past trauma, trauma responses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:06:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29630214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magznus/pseuds/magznus
Summary: Juno has been having a bad few days and doesn't know why, Nureyev has seen this coming but has no idea how to handle his love's ghosts.
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko & Juno Steel, Buddy Aurinko & Peter Nureyev, Peter Nureyev & Rita, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Series: Jupeter fics [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602751
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Hold me tighter

IT was a slow day aboard the carte blanch, the kind that left the crew lazying around together watching streams or training by themselves. Juno had found himself down in the shooting range, he had had another night of restless sleep and needed to work out the tension that had been building over the last few days.  
He had no idea why it had gotten so bad so suddenly, it was almost a full year into their journey and he had been doing good, better. At least according to Rita he had. It had been nice, he felt better, healthier, and all that. But some days it got bad and the last few had been worse. Nightmares and sleepless nights had lead to stressful days and Juno wasn’t sure how to get out of the sudden rut, or what even had caused it.  
So instead of letting it go on any longer, Juno forced himself out of bed before ever Nureyev and walked down to the shooting range. It wasn’t the method approved by his doctor by any means, but it was a method that historically worked. He pulled out his blaster, set the difficulty too hard, and began to shoot.  
Juno settled into a comfortable rhythm, with each hit he made the tension began to leave him, his shoulders relaxing and his mind clearing. At some point he heard Rita moving around in the kitchen, talking loudly to someone. He knew that she was one of the last up, and everyone was sure to know exactly what he was doing. He didn’t really care, it wasn’t like his old coping mechanisms were a secrete among to crew.  
Someone walked past the shooting range, he blocked them out before he could hear them stop on the other side of the door to check in on him. But it wasn’t before he recognized the click of heels and who it belonged to.  
\---  
Peter Nureyev had woken up alone, it was unusual, but not unexpected. Juno had been having issues sleeping all week, something was causing him more and more distress though he hadn’t said anything directly to Nureyev. So when he woke up to an empty bed he knew that Juno was getting close to his breaking point.  
With a sigh, Nureyev pulled himself out of bed and quickly worked through his morning routine. Wandering out into the corridor he found Rita pacing anxiously between his door and hers.  
“Good morning Rita.”  
She jumped and spun on him, “Oh! Mistah Ransom! Good morning, how are you? How’s Mistah Steel?”  
“I’m alright, a little worried though, I was hoping you would know how Juno was. He wasn’t in bed when I woke up.”  
“Oh,”  
“Oh?” Nureyev watched carefully as she seemed to deflate.  
“Yeah, I was worried this was gonna happen. You see it’s kinda a bad day for Mistah Steel, and I wasn’t sure how it was gonna go ya know? I mean he hasn’t really shown all the usual signs for these kinda days since we joined our family here and I was thinkin maybe he wouldn’t be as bad this year, but I was gonna check in on him and make sure anyways. But if he’s hidin from you, well then...It’s probably gonna be just as bad as usual.”  
Nureyev sighed, “Juno has seemed off the last few days, I figured something was upsetting him, I just don’t know what. But you do?”  
“Yeah, well you know about Mistah Steel’s brother?” Nureyev nodded “Well today is the anniversary of his death, Mistah Steel always gets really sad, and usually angry whenever he has to think about it at all so today is real bad”  
Nureyev nodded absent-mindedly “I should go find him.”  
“Yeah, he would be happy to see you I think, but I also think he’s gonna be a lot like the old Mistah Steel so just, be careful with him.”  
“Of course Rita, always.”  
He didn’t know exactly where Juno would be, there were plenty of places on the ship that they both considered to be safe when things were too much. Cubby holes or rooms where the noise of the crew was muffled enough to not grate on already overstimulated ears. It didn’t take him long to move through the ship and find that Juno was in none of the usual spots, along the way he learned that no one else had seen him all morning either.  
Nureyev stopped by the kitchen once he had looked everywhere else. The rest of the crew, save for Juno, was just finishing up their breakfast. Rita was talking adamantly to Jet as he walked in, though she seemed to lack her usual luster, her worry for Juno seeming to keep her from her usual energetic self.  
“Goodmorning Pete darling, how are you?” Buddy was sitting on the far side of the table, looking up at him quizically, Nureyev assumed she had an idea about what was wrong with Juno.  
“I’m fine captain, a little hungry.”  
“Yes well, you have been running around quite a lot this morning.” Buddy smiled. “Have you found our Juno yet?”  
“No captain I haven’t, he doesn’t seem to want to be found.”  
“I would think so.” At Nureyev’s confused look buddy sighed sadly “Rita explained to me a little of what’s going on, I don’t believe Juno is anywhere near as self-destructive as he used to be, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t in a good place right now.”  
“I thought the same, but I can’t find him anywhere to help him get through this.”  
“And you looked everywhere?”  
“Of course.”  
“Did you look down in the shooing range?”  
Nureyev paused, he hadn’t, something had stopped him before he could even really consider it. He would rather Juno just about anywhere other than there.  
“As I said, Juno is not going to be in a very good place when you do find him.”  
Nureyev sighed and nodded, grabbing a plate covered in waffles on his way out of the kitchen.  
The shooting range was on the lower deck of the ship, set in between the garage and the storage room. It was small, the standing room only really fit two people, three if they wanted to be snug. Because it was set underneath the kitchen it was hard to hear anything while on the upper deck, but you could hear almost everything while in the shooting range.  
Nureyev couldn’t imagine how Juno could find any sort of relief when he could hear every conversation, every footstep, or movement of the crew. Even as he walked towards the door he could hear Vespa talking to Jet about some work he plans to do on the ruby7, Rita puttering around in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast, Buddy’s heels clicking across the floor as she walks down the hall.  
He stood in front of the door, the only thing between him and the shooting range. He could hear the distant sound of a blaster firing over and over again, and every part of him, his self-preservation, his want to only ever see Juno happy, told him to run away. Go and hide in his room until Juno returned on his own. But he knew that Juno needed him more than he needed to run away.  
Nureyev squared his shoulders and prepared himself for whatever he may see. The door slid open too slowly revealing Juno bit by bit. He was standing with his legs spread wide, blaster pointed forward as his single eye glared at the targets as they appeared. There was the sort of tension in his shoulders that Nureyev had last seen while they were trapped together in a cave.  
He quickly placed their breakfast on the first flat surface he could find before slowly moving closer to Juno. He didn’t want to startle him or upset him at all, so he stayed quiet for a moment until he knew that Juno knew he was there. His aim slipped just slightly, the tension in his hand lessening.  
“Juno?” Nureyev kept his voice quiet “Would you like to talk dear?”  
Juno almost laughed “I wouldn’t be down here if I did Nureyev” His voice lacked its usual bite.  
“Darling, tell me what I can do to help, please”  
\---  
Juno sighed, lowering his blaster in defeat. He didn’t know what Nureyev could possibly do to fix this, hell he didn’t even know what was wrong.  
“Rita told me what today is” Nureyev sighed “Love, I just don’t want you to be alone.”  
Juno spun around at that, looking up at Nureyev who was much closer than he thought. “Wha- Nureyev what are you walking about?”  
“Juno, love, Rita told me, it’s okay I understand and I just want to help however you need.”  
“Nureyev I don’t even know what I need! And I certainly don’t know what Rita told you!”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean I have no idea what today is! I have no idea why I feel this way, all I know is that I hate it and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought coming down here would help but it didn’t and now you seem to know more about what’s going on and I hate it!”  
“Juno, Juno my love it’s alright”  
Juno didn’t even know he was getting worked up until Nureyev spoke, only then he noticed how fast his breathing was, how tense his shoulders had gotten. He took a deep breath, his gaze dropping as he had to force his shoulders to drop.  
“Sorry, I’m-”  
“It’s okay” Nureyev sighed, reaching out to pull Juno into his arms. “ It’s okay Juno I promise.”  
Juno let himself be pulled into a hug, leaning his weight on Nureyev “God Nureyev I hate this, I hate this feeling, and I hate not knowing like, there’s something wrong but I missed it.”  
“I know, love I’m so sorry.”  
“What is it, Nureyev. I know it’s important but it’s like I blocked it out and it’s making me feel sick.”  
“Juno-”  
“Please Nureyev.”  
“According to Rita, today is the anniversary of-”  
“Benzaiten”  
“Yes.”  
“I...I forgot. I didn’t...I wasn’t paying attention. I forgot Benten”  
“Oh, Juno.” Nureyev pulled him closer as Juno’s shoulders began to shake “My darling Juno, I’m so sorry. It’s alright, it’s going to be alright. Shh, I’m here my love, I’m not going anywhere.”  
He held Juno as he buried his face in his shoulder, rocking them back and forth as he talked. It was never easy to see Juno like this, but Nureyev would take it any day over the frustration and anger he had walked in on.  
“Peter?”  
“Yes, love?”  
“Could we...maybe move to your room?”  
“Of course my darling detective, I did bring you breakfast but it must have gone cold by now, would you like to stop and grab something to eat on the way?”  
“I don’t know how much I could keep down I...I feel sick.”  
“That’s alright my love, I want to get some food in you today, but we can go slow.”  
“K”, Juno sighed, exhausted and still upset.  
Nureyev guided him out of the shooting range, holding Juno close to his side as they walked. It was subtle but Juno could feel him slowing down at each corner, making sure the hallways were empty before continuing on. Juno appreciated the care he was taking, he really didn’t anyone besides Nureyev and maybe Rita to see him like this.  
They made it back to Nureyev’s room safely, and soon Juno found himself being tucked into bed with Nureyev following close behind.  
“It’s a little early to be going to bed you know?” His voice was barely above a whisper.  
“Hush Juno, You haven’t slept a full night in days.”  
“Nureyev I-”  
“Juno, my love, light of my life, I want nothing more than for you to be happy, but I know that today I have to be okay just holding you while you’re not.”  
Juno didn’t realize that he had been holding back his tears until Nureyev finished speaking. He Pulled him closer slowly, laying his head on Nureyev’s chest gently as the tears began to fall again.  
“Sorry, I just...I don’t know how to do this with someone else around.” Juno let out a watery laugh.  
“No, no it’s alright my love. It’s my privilege to be here for you, thank you for trusting me with this.”  
Juno felt the tears coming harder, “No problem ‘reyev.”  
“Shhh my love, just...be here, in the moment with me yeah?”  
Nureyev held him impossibly closer as Juno cried. His hand ran up and down his back, cooing quietly when Juno would grip him tighter. He continued to hold on as tight as possible, letting Nureyev lay protectively over him as he let go completely.  
It didn’t take long for Juno’s eyes to grow heavy, trusting Nureyev he left himself relax completely and fall asleep in his arm.  
\---  
Juno had only been asleep for an hour or so before he started to have a nightmare. Nureyev hadn’t left his side once, he noticed the second there was a change in Juno. He grew rigid, his breathing coming in short gasps as he drew closer to Nureyev. Even in sleep, he sought out comfort from his boyfriend and it made Nureyev’s heart flutter.  
He reached forward and began to play with Juno’s hair, humming softly to him trying to calm him down. Juno calmed for a moment, before seizing, letting out a cry, and pulling back like he had been burnt.  
“Juno, shhh it’s alright, wake up love. I’m right here with you, everything is alright now.” Nureyev was careful not to grab him too tightly, Juno had never liked being grabbed while he was asleep. “You can wake up Juno, I promise it’s just a nightmare. I’m here my love, just listen to my voice, come back to me love.”  
Juno pulled closer to him again, still breathing heavily but slowly beginning to relax into Nureyev’s arms. It took another few minutes for Nureyev to be certain that the nightmare had passed without him fully waking up. Once he knew that Juno was fully asleep again, he pulled him closer, returning to play with his hair to help him stay relaxed.  
A few hours later there was a soft knock on the door, Nureyev did his best to respond without waking Juno up. Buddy slipped inside, keeping the light low as she opened the door. She was holding a small dinner tray, one they used for stream nights. On it was two cups of water and a plate with some sandwiches.  
“I thought I would bring you two some food, I didn’t think you had breakfast.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she set the tray on the bedside table.  
“Thank you, captain, I’ll let him sleep a few hours and see how he is feeling about food.”  
“Good, we are all here for him, I just hope he lets us in.”  
Nureyev sighed, “I do to captain.”  
Buddy smiled down at them before leaving. Nureyev watched her go fondly before turning his attention fully back to Juno. A bright eye was looking up at him, staring into Nureyev’s own eyes.  
“Juno, I didn’t realize-”  
“Oh shush,” Juno smiled “You were busy talking to your mom,”  
“You were awake the whole time?”  
“No, but the smell of food was enough to do the trick.” He smiled up at Nureyev.  
Nureyev chuckled “So you’re hungry now?”  
“Maybe a little.”  
Juno pushed himself up, dislodging himself from Nureyev’s arms. Reaching over he grabbed the plate of food and set it in his lap. Juno grabbed one of the sandwiches and handed it to Nureyev as he joined him in sitting.  
“I don’t know how Jet makes such good sandwiches, it’s not like it’s any different from the ones I make.”  
Nureyev looked confused “How can you tell its Jets?”  
“I just can, he makes the better alright”  
“Whatever you say, dear.” Nureyev smiled, Juno was relaxed, eating and bantering with him, something he wasn’t sure he would be able to get from Juno this morning.  
They sat and ate, he managed to convince Juno to actually drink some of the water before they laid back down, this time turning on a stream to watch while they cuddled. Juno drifted in and out of sleep over the next few hours, and it didn’t take long for Nureyev to join him.


End file.
